You Can’t Pastor People You’re Pretending For
There is a unique pressure in ministry that no one really prepares you for.
It is the pressure to smile when your heart is heavy.
To speak with confidence when your soul feels unsure.
To show up even when you feel like hiding.
And somewhere along the way, if we are not careful, we start performing.
Not preaching. Not pastoring. Performing.
When Ministry Becomes a Mask
It happens quietly.
You tell yourself you are just trying to “be strong.”
You do not want to burden anyone.
You do not want to disappoint anyone.
You do not want to make people uncomfortable.
So you keep showing up, smiling, delivering the message, attending the meeting…
All while hiding the questions, the grief, the discouragement, the doubt.
And before long, you realize: you are pretending.
Not in a dishonest way—just in a guarded, self-protecting, “do not look too close” kind of way.
Performance Kills Intimacy
Here is the hard truth:
You cannot pastor people well when you are pretending.
Pretending keeps people at a distance.
It builds walls. It projects strength but hides realness.
And people do not connect to polished personas. They connect to truth.
They do not need perfect pastors.
They need honest ones.
Ones who are rooted in Jesus. Ones who are walking in grace.
Ones who are not faking it, but following through the same valleys they preach about.
Honesty Builds Trust
When you are honest about what you are carrying, you give people permission to do the same.
You shift the culture from performance to presence.
From image to intimacy.
From trying harder to trusting deeper.
This does not mean oversharing or turning the pulpit into therapy.
It just means you stop pretending.
You tell the truth. You let your life match your message.
You show people what grace really looks like in the messy middle—not just the finished testimony.
What You Model, They Mirror
There is nowhere in Scripture that calls pastors to be perfect for the people they serve. Yes, pastors are called to be above reproach (1 Timothy 3:2), but that does not mean flawless. It means living with integrity, humility, and repentance—being the kind of person whose life reflects the gospel, not one who pretends to have mastered it. You are not called to outperform your church; you are called to shepherd them. And the posture you carry will shape the culture of your congregation. When pastors pretend, the church often learns to do the same. But when you lead with appropriate transparency and vulnerability, you foster a healthy culture of accountability and genuine discipleship. That is where real ministry happens—where we bear one another’s burdens, provoke one another to love and good works, and sharpen each other in grace and truth.
There Is More Freedom Than You Think
When you stop performing, you start healing.
When you lead from health instead of pressure, your leadership changes.
Your people notice.
Your family notices.
And your soul finds rest.
God does not need your performance.
He wants your heart.
So do the people you are called to shepherd.