Why Listening Might Be the Most Overlooked Skill in Church Leadership
Most pastors are trained to preach, lead meetings, cast vision, and manage conflict. We know how to teach the Bible and how to organize a ministry calendar. But there is one skill that often gets overlooked. One that might be just as important, especially in revitalization. And that is the ability to listen well.
Not passive listening. Not waiting for your turn to speak.
I mean thoughtful, curious, Spirit-led listening. The kind that makes people feel heard, valued, and safe.
In churches that are hurting or struggling, listening might be the most important thing you can do. Because when people are unsure about the future, anxious about change, or carrying wounds from the past, they don’t need a new strategy right away. They need a shepherd. Someone who will sit with them long enough to understand what they’re actually saying, not just what it sounds like on the surface.
Listening Builds Trust. And Trust Creates Room for Change.
A lot of church leaders get frustrated when people resist change. But in most cases, people aren’t resisting because they hate you or hate the gospel. They’re carrying something from their past, like loss, grief, confusion, or fear. And if you listen carefully, they’ll usually tell you what it is.
What sounds like stubbornness is often sadness.
What looks like pushback is often pain.
And if you don’t stop long enough to hear it, you’ll end up addressing symptoms instead of people.
Listening doesn’t always fix the issue, but it builds trust. And trust is the currency of leadership. Without it, nothing moves. But when people feel heard, they start to soften. And when they start to soften, they become open, to you and to where God might be leading next.
Listening Doesn’t Mean Losing Conviction
Some leaders are hesitant to really listen because they’re afraid it sends the wrong message. They worry that if they slow down and give space for every concern or complaint, people will think the vision is up for negotiation. But listening is not the same as surrendering your convictions. It simply means you care enough to hear the story before you speak into it.
You can still lead with clarity and conviction. You can still pursue what’s right and wise. But when you lead from a listening posture, people are far more likely to follow. They may not agree with everything, but they will follow because they feel respected in the process.
You don’t have to agree with someone to listen to them.
You don’t have to give in to understand where they’re coming from.
But if you don’t listen, you may never know what they’re actually trying to say.
If You Don’t Listen, Someone Else Will
When people feel unheard, they don’t usually stay quiet. They start looking for someone who will listen. And if they don’t find that in leadership, they’ll find it elsewhere. Sometimes those conversations are healthy. But often, they end up in side hallways, group chats, and parking lot circles—places where frustration can grow unchecked and misinformation spreads quickly.
Listening on the front end can prevent a lot of damage on the back end.
It’s not about managing perception. It’s about protecting people.
When leaders create space for real conversation, it leads to clarity. And clarity leads to unity.
When we ignore or rush past those conversations, confusion sets in. And confusion always divides.
Listening Is Not Soft. It’s Christlike.
At the heart of it, listening is not just a leadership tactic. It’s a spiritual practice. It reflects the character of Jesus, who noticed people others ignored. Who asked questions. Who welcomed interruption. Who sat at tables and gave people space to speak. His presence brought peace, not just because He had answers, but because He made people feel seen.
Listening is not the only thing we need as pastors or leaders. But without it, very little else works. You can preach the best sermon in town, but if no one feels like you care, they’ll stop listening. You can cast a compelling vision, but if no one feels heard, they won’t follow.
In Part Two, we’ll talk about how to build a culture of listening—not just at the leadership level, but throughout the church.